


The worst 'amboolance' ride ever

by His_first_name_is_agent



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, F/F, F/M, He probably has his own instagram page with pictures of his fave dogs, Heavy Angst, Hospital bed snuggles, Hospitals, Obviously he drinks unicorn frapuchinos, Starbucks for dirk, Waiting Rooms, his starbucks frappes and his fab jackets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-23 13:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13788594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/His_first_name_is_agent/pseuds/His_first_name_is_agent
Summary: The amboolance comes in handy way too often for the detective agency's liking. AKA, Todd gets stabbed by bee lady, and Dirk is in a lot of emotional turmoil.





	1. The drive

The worst moment came while driving the makeshift ambulance. It was all too common for Todd to rush his friends to hospitals, or hotels stocked full of bandages and drug store medical equipment, but Dirk had never before needed to drive, and Todd almost always sat beside him or in the back seat.

Todd was never the one hurt.

He was never the one dying.

"Hello? Todd? Are you doing alright back there?" Dirk asked, voice tinged with panic.

A soft moan was the only response. Dirk hated that he hadn't seen this coming, that he hadn't filled in the dots after finding the key in the beehive. Of course, the killer would be the elderly lady with the odd case of bee-related bumps all over her arms.

"Good! You're still alive! And slightly conscious!!!! I'm very glad Todd, getting impaled tends to cause the opposite effect on people."  
Dirk frowned, thinking back to the Lidia Springs case, to the real ambulance, and the people moving and asking questions and sticking around plastic face mask on him; how useless he is now, to poor Todd in the back seat, while he is in the front, not even able to hold his hand, or control all the blood that now pools along the floor.

"Todd," Dirk asked, tears running down his face,  
"Remember when we first met? And when I broke into your apartment?"  
Todd laughed softly, a soft noise that quickly turned into a groan.  
"I didn't understand why you were so mad at me, even after everything got wrecked," Dirk continued, talking almost as rapidly as he drove, urgently fighting to get words out, to tell Todd everything.

"And then, I got stabbed, and you came with me in the ambulance, remember how you held my hand the whole way?"  
Todd was silent, and Dirk tried to push harder on the gas pedal, despite his foot already being on the floor.

"I messed the whole thing up Todd", Dirk's voice suddenly cracked, breathlessly trying to spit out words, despite his throat closing up.  
"I, I pulled you into this, this stupid, stupid idea about detectives, and cases, and," Dirk sobbed once more  
"Oh Gods, what have I done! I'm a fraud Todd, you should have never come back to the hospital that time, you should have started another band, or a coffee shop, gotten married and forgotten about me."

Dirk turned slightly, trying to see Todd, trying to catch a glimpse of a breath, or eyes blinking, but he just lay there, propped up, pale, covered with blood that had no right to be that red.

"Todd, please, open your eyes, wake up, I need you to wake up, for me, just keep your eyes open for a few more minutes, stay with me, pretty please."

Dirk turned again, and felt the world lift slightly off his back as Todd squinted his eyes shifting them back and forth across the 'ambulance'.

"I should have seen, how ridiculous this whole idea was, I'm no psychic, I'm not even a detective! I'm a wrecking ball Todd, I go through people's lives and just leave rubbish behind. This is all my fault."  
Dirk felt slight relief when Todd responded with a short inhale, they were so close to the hospital, so close to help.

"And maybe, maybe I could have just left, maybe I could have been ok with having friends for just one week, Todd, I could have managed."

Dirk sucked in a long shuttering breath, the hospital was in his sight, just a few more seconds...

"But Todd, I loved you. I loved you too much, and I destroyed you. I always knew that something like this could happen, but I ignored it, just so I could watch your eyes, hear your laughter, for just one more day,"

He could see the doctors coming out, waiting for him, standing with their gurneys and wearing their fixing people outfits.

"Just please Todd, I'll leave you to live your life after this but, Todd, you have to live" Dirk cried, "Please Todd"

He stopped the car in front of the doors, hands shaking, still clutching the steering wheel, white-knuckled, hands caked with the blood that should have never been there.

The back doors opened, and they began spilling their doctor jargon, began taking him away, and leaving Dirk behind.

Dirk opened his door, and looked at his partner, looking smaller than ever, wide-eyed, whisked off on a trolley. Even though he was mostly obscured by the doctors, Dirk almost thought that he saw Todd's mouth move, his words lost in the flurry of motion surrounding them.


	2. Chapter 2

Todd's eyes were wide and searching for something, although he couldn't tell what.  
Someone picked him up, and then suddenly he was laying down on something soft.  
"Sir? Sir, please lay down, can you tell us your name?" Someone seemed to be talking, and suddenly, a voice, like clouds opening up, was yelling.  
"Todd! His name's Todd! Is he ok? Please tell me he's ok!"  
Suddenly his voice was covered up by a thousand others.  
"BP low, pulse?"  
"60 bmp and dropping, prep a crash cart and a portable ultrasound, call ahead to surgery, we've got to remove this foreign body and stop the bleeding"  
"Patient is conscious, OR 3 is open and being prepared"  
"Todd? Do you remember what happened?"  
Someone new was there, moving, touching his face and talking, with only a few words making sense.  
"Deep breath? Todd? Can you breath in for me?"  
Todd tried to breathe deeply, but his chest was filled with pain, with fire, and even though he tried to gasp, his lungs betrayed him, his head feeling as though it might explode.  
"He has a large pneumothorax, we have to insert a chest tube."  
"Why can't he breath? What did you do to him?"  
Todd gasped. Everything was foggy, but he wanted to call out to Dirk, he wanted to say that it was ok, that it wasn't Dirk's fault, but he only was able to fruitlessly try to suck in air.  
"Sir please step back, he has a collapsed lung, we need to remove the air so that he can breath"  
"Todd!"  
Suddenly there was a sharp pain, and Todd took a deep breath in, head-clearing slightly.  
"Sir, please pay attention, follow the light with your eyes."  
Todd shrunk away from the sudden brightness, pulled his arm away from a sharp pinch, yanking, searching for someone...  
"TODD! Please, let me see him, what's going on, where are you taking him?!!  
"Sir? Sir, you can't go through here."  
"TODD!"  
Todd's eyes felt heavy again, and everything was too loud, too bright. His heart ached for the voice getting further and further away. Everything blurred together, and when a gentle hand placed something over his mouth, he didn't resist, just float quietly into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first fanfiction ever! Not done yet, still probably a couple more chapters to go, but I hope y'alls enjoyed


	3. The wait

\--  
The normally hyperactive Dirk had been sitting still in a chair for at least three hours straight. He hadn't changed, and for all Amanda knew, he might have been there ever since Todd was admitted. She would have been worried, but, it's Todd. If Dirk was acting his normal Dirk self, it would have been more upsetting. The only ones who didn't know that Dirk and Todd's relationship was more than just "partners" were Dirk and Todd.

Farah and Amanda only made it to the hospital after they destroyed the bee ladies magic portal, solved the case, and picked up some starts, but Dirk hadn't even acknowledged their presence. Hell, he barely nodded when he got his unicorn frappuccino. He never shut up about the new frappuccino flavours.

"Hey Dirk, have the doctors said anything?" Farah asked, gently unwrapping her head off of Amanda.

Dirk just shook his head.

"I brought you a change of clothes, maybe we can go back to the hotel, get you into a shower, rinse off some of that blood?"  
Dirk shook his head about the same time that Farah started suggesting it, but she kept trying.  
" That can't be comfortable, and to be honest, I think you're scaring some of the other people in the waiting room".

Amanda secretly agreed with her girlfriend. Dirk looked terrifying, and, between the blood and his crazed hair, there were multiple people staring. Amanda was used to it, being around the rowdy three, but Farah, the quiet, undercover working 'cop' probably hated all the attention.

"I can't leave" Dirk whispered, in a hoarse voice, "I can't leave Todd alone".  
The man looked on the edge of tears.

"Ok Dirk, it's going to be Ok. Do you like your frappe? I got extra sprinkles." Farah kept trying, Amanda knew that her girlfriend was upset too, and wanted to fix the friend that she could, but Amanda also knew that Dirk needed time. Considering his surprised face when he noticed the drink, the one he had been holding for three hours, Amanda thought it best to just let him be.

"He's going to be fine guys, I mean, it's Todd we're talking about." Amanda tried to sooth both sides of the group and her self. "He'll be just fine."

A doctor entered the waiting room, flipping through charts before stopping in front of the bleak looking three.

"Hi, you're the one who came in with Todd?" She asked with a slight smile.

Dirk jumped up, looking more worried than Amanda had ever seen him.

"Yes, yes that's me, I'm him, Is he alright?"

The doctor smiled, "Well, he's extremely lucky. He's alive and stable, but it's hospital policy to only disclose information to family members"

Amanda stepped slightly forward,

"He's my partner! We're, partners." Dirk blurted out, his hands shaking just as much as his voice.

" I'm Todd's sister," Amanda added.

"Well, in that case, I can take you to a more private room where we can talk about his treatment, and then you can see him for a few minutes." The doctor began walking away, towards another set of doors.

"I'll wait here, shoot me a text though, k?" Farah sat back down on the uncomfortable chairs.

Amanda nodded,

"Are you sure, maybe we could tell her you're his cousin or something" Amanda quipped.

" That also means I'm your cousin, I'll stay here and drink Dirk's poor excuse for coffee." They shared a soft smile before Farah blazed on.  
"Just, tell Todd that jumping into an unknown situation was super stupid, and after he gets on his feet, we're redoing his field training program."  
"Uh, duh. Thanks, Farah."  
"Course, I'd tell you to knock some sense into him, but I'm pretty sure he's already there."

  
With a snort, Amanda turned and followed after Dirk's retreating back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this was a bit too long to connect to the next chapter, but it's still super ehort. I was originally going to try to end the piece today, but the next couple chapters will come tomorrow. I just wanted to let y'alls know he isn't dead as to not totally mess with your saturday. It's also not my fave chapter, so it might get rewritten, but whatever.


	4. Chapter 4

Dirk sat at Todd's bedside like an anxious puppy. Something about the machines and the beeping usually reminded him of Black Wing, but this beeping was such a concrete sound of life, of Todd, that Dirk couldn't help but feel safe.

He had taken a shower in the conjoined bathroom, and his damp hair stuck to his forehead. Todd was alive.

Dirk had briefly pried himself away from Todd to buy a notebook at the hospital gift shop. He knew that, as soon as he walked out that door, Todd would be safe. There would be no more dogs that were secretly girls, no more evil government corporations, no more old ladies with alternate reality bees with an affinity for stabbing intruders, and Todd would live a long, safe life. Just a few steps out the door and Dirk's dream would come true. But he knew, he couldn't leave without an explanation, an apology, a final farewell.

So the notebook slowly filled with letters to Todd, each one seeming more inadequate than the last. How do you tell someone who's your everything what they mean to you? How do you tell them goodbye?

When Dirk reached the end of the notebook, he flung his head back in frustration. Dirk thought about going back to the gift shop, buying another notebook, and trying again, but the thought of Todd waking up alone, opening his blue eyes and seeing no friendly face made Dirk pull his chair closer to the bed and begin to wait.

Perhaps this is selfish of me, he thought, maybe I am just simply rationalizing my actions. My presence here will just hurt Todd. But a small voice seemed to ask if leaving would hurt Todd more. 

Dirk looked down and found himself stroking Todd's hand. His fingers traced along the length, exploring each knuckle, bump or curve, before taking Todd's delicate, cold hand between his own. His fingers clasped together, and, despite never have been religious, Dirk found himself shooting a makeshift request into the universe.

Please let Todd wake up soon, if anything makes any sense, please let him wake up.

The doctors had told Amanda and him that he could wake up anytime, just open his eyes like any other day. He loved the way Todd's eyes moved, how they danced and told Dirk everything in a language of crinkles and ridiculously long lashes. Even when Todd said nothing, or was being difficult to understand, Dirk liked to think that he could tell what Todd was thinking, based on his eyes.Dirk watched Todd's eyes as he sat there, but they reviled no secrets, just a certain peace.

His eyes seemed to be the only part of him not obscured by tubes. Dirk couldn't see the one in Todd's side, although he had been told multiple times of its presence, and watched as the nurses came in and out of the room, checking it before hurrying off on their way.

There was a tube down his throat, in his bladder, in his arms; the doctors had told them of the complications, of the internal injuries.

They seemed to speak like sphynxes, using words Dirk didn't understand yet holding the key to Todd's survival. Dirk knew that Todd would hate the tubes, he would see them as a weakness, or a sign of his own frailty. Dirk hated them; the tubes looked painful and reinforced how hurt Todd was.

"I'm sorry Todd" Dirk whispered, "I never meant for this to happen."

He took a deep breath,

"I love you, Todd."

Todd blinked, softly at first, moaning in pain, and then choking on the huge tube running down his throat. Dirk screamed for help, for a nurse, and Todd gripped Dirks' hand, holding tightly to his friend.


	5. Bedside manner

Dirk sat at Todd's bedside like an anxious puppy. Something about the machines and the beeping usually reminded him of Black Wing, but this beeping was such a concrete sound of life, of Todd, that Dirk couldn't help but feel safe.

He had taken a shower in the conjoined bathroom, and his damp hair stuck to his forehead. Todd was alive, safe. 

Dirk had briefly pried himself away from Todd to buy a notebook at the hospital gift shop. He knew that, as soon as he walked out that door, Todd would be fully safe. There would be no more dogs that were secretly girls, no more evil government corporations, no more old ladies with alternate reality bees with an affinity for stabbing intruders, and Todd would live a long, safe life. Just a few steps out the door and Dirk's dream would come true.

But he knew, he couldn't leave without an explanation, an apology, a final farewell. So the notebook slowly filled with letters to Todd, each one seeming more inadequate than the last. How do you tell someone who's your everything what they mean to you? How do you tell them goodbye?

When Dirk reached the end of the notebook, he flung his head back in frustration. Dirk thought about going back to the gift shop, buying another notebook, and trying again, but the thought of Todd waking up alone, opening his blue eyes and seeing no friendly face made Dirk pull his chair closer to the bed and begin to wait.

Perhaps this is selfish of me, he thought,  my presence here will just hurt Todd. But a small voice seemed to ask if leaving would hurt Todd more. 

Dirk looked down and found himself stroking Todd's hand. His fingers traced along the length, exploring each knuckle, bump or curve, before taking Todd's delicate, cold hand between his own. His fingers clasped together, and, despite never have been religious, Dirk found himself shooting a makeshift request into the universe.

Please let Todd wake up soon, if anything makes any sense, please let him wake up.

The doctors had told Amanda and him that he could wake up anytime, just open his eyes like any other day. He loved the way Todd's eyes moved, how they danced and told Dirk everything in a language of crinkles and ridiculously long lashes. Even when Todd said nothing, or was being difficult to understand, Dirk liked to think that he could tell what Todd was thinking, based on his eyes. Dirk watched Todd's eyes as he sat there, but they reviled no secrets, just a certain peace.

His eyes also seemed to be the only part of him not obscured by tubes. Dirk couldn't see the one in Todd's side, although he had been told multiple times of its presence, and watched as the nurses came in and out of the room, checking it before hurrying off on their way.

There was a tube down his throat, in his bladder, in his arms; the doctors had told them of the complications, of the internal injuries. They seemed to speak like sphynxes, using words Dirk didn't understand yet holding the key to Todd's survival. Dirk knew that Todd would hate the tubes, he would see them as a weakness, or a sign of his own frailty. Dirk hated them; the tubes looked painful and reinforced how hurt Todd was.

"I'm sorry Todd" Dirk whispered,"  I never meant for this to happen."

He took a deep breath,

"I love you, Todd."

Todd blinked, softly at first, moaning in pain, and then choking on the huge tube running down his throat. Dirk screamed for help, for a nurse, and Todd gripped Dirks' hand, holding tightly to his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I'm really pumped, I didn't think anyone was going to read it, and all of you are so nice. I was so excited, I finished off this next chapter. It turns out I'm really bad at telling how long stories will be, but I'm hoping to make two or three more chapters to bring out the comfort in this hurt/comfort. Thank you so much heyjude for pointing out my spelling mistakes, I went back through, and it was totally horrifying. I apologize to anyone who read it before these corrections were made, I have a tiny keyboard on my phone and I type like a grandma. 


	6. The end of the begining

Todd had been somewhat lucid for a few days, slipping in and out of sleep, occasionally joking with the nurses as they brought food, yet still seeming a thousand miles away.

Dirk had decided to stay, at least until he knew that Todd could fully understand why he was leaving. Every day, he felt miserable when he left Todd's bedside. The nurses told him that, whenever he wasn't there, Todd asked for him. Dirk began sleeping the night in the chair, and eventually on a small cot that some of the staff found. It was the least he could do, to try and alleviate some of the pain he had caused before he left forever.

One evening, Todd turned in his bed, eyes sparkling as he slowly adjusted the bed to a propped up position.

"Well, I guess I have you to thank for all this," Todd said with a quiet grin.

Dirk's face fell.

"Todd, I am so, so sorry. I should have never been with you. It's all my fault."

"What are you talking about Dirk, if you weren't there, I never would have made it." Todd placed his hand on Dirks' forearm the best he could, "You save my life."

"No Todd, if I wasn't there you wouldn't have needed to be saved." Dirk pulled away, turning his head from where his best friend lay.

"What are you talking about Dirk,"  Todd looked up, searching for Dirk, trying to catch his eyes, longing to tell him everything Dirk meant to him.

"I'm the one who brings the cases, the one who brings all the danger." Dirk sighed, taking a deep breath, "Todd, there is no one who is more excited than me to see you awake, and doing better, but, now it's time for our agency to go our separate ways."

"What..?" Todd jumped, almost as though to jump out of bed, before moaning and leaning back, his face filled with concern.

"Todd, let me finish," Dirk sighed, "I tried to write a note, it would have been so much easier."

"I don't understand?" Todd said, voice full of concern looking at Dirk, eyebrows furrowed together.

"I'm leaving. It'll be better for you, for all of you if I'm not around."

"No, Dirk," Todd started, gently reaching for Dirk's arm before he pulled it away again.

"No, Todd, just, let me finish, please. I realized something when we were driving here. I know that you say that this life is better than being a bell boy, but, you dying, that's much worse than front desk duty Todd. I can't,"

Dirk leaned back in his chair, choking air in, and pushing his hair back.

"Todd, I knew a lot of people before you, and, they weren't as nice, and their cases were, quite frankly, more boring to solve alone, but, a lot of those people ended up in pain, and misery, and,"

Todd cut Dirk off," and some must have ended up happy, and fulfilled, and safe, and, I know you don't realize this sometimes Dirk, but you bring out the best things in life, the best things in people. Sure, if I was a bellhop, I wouldn't have been laying in a hospital bed, or have spent the past few hours being prodded and poked but,"

Todd finally caught Dirk's hand and his gaze, " I wouldn't have seen the crazy moon in Wendimoor or laugh so hard that my stomach cramped, and I would never know how beautiful, and strange, and exciting life could be. You did that Dirk."

Dirk stood up, his voice cracking with tears,

"Todd, I, I just can't put you in that kind of danger again."

Todd shook his head,

"Dirk, do you think that I'd stay out of trouble just because you walked away from the agency? Farah and I, we travelled for months trying to find you, and, that wasn't safe. We're not people who can just go back to have normal lives Dirk and that's not a bad thing. If I could go back, and choose whether to go with you or not, on that first case, I would choose you. Every time. Nothing that might happen, none of the pain, or any crazy situation, could make me want to change any part of our lives."

Todd smiled softly, then quietly continued.

"You're family now Dirk, that means you're stuck with us."

Dirk blinked a few times, tears streaming down his face.

"Ok, you know what, just come here." Todd motioned to the bed, "Schoch in, you need this."

"Todd? I'm pretty sure there are rules and policy about getting into bed with patients." Dirk shuffled back awkwardly, almost knocking over his chair in the process.

"Relax Dirk," Todd rolled his eyes and patted the empty space beside him.

Dirk awkwardly crawled into the propped up bed, leaning gently into Todd's side.

Todd tried to wrap his arm around Dirk before resting his head on Dirk's shoulder. They laid there, squished together as Dirk quietly sobbed.

"I don't remember much of the ride here.  But... did you really mean it?" Todd asked carefully, seeming to mull over each word.

"Mean what Todd?" Dirk wiped his eyes with the embroidered suede jacket he had gotten from a real-life cowboy a month back.

"You said the L-word when we were driving, and I was just wondering..." Todd trailed off.

Dirk looked over, his face unreadable

"It was an extremely stressful situation, Todd, I said a lot of things. This is good, this is utterly perfect. You just said nothing needs to change. "

"Oh. Ok." Todd stiffened slightly beside Dirk. "I just thought that maybe, you meant something else."

Dirk turned slightly inward so he could see Todd's face better, hoping to be able to look into his eyes, and know what to say next.

"Todd, I do love you. I don't think, that I've ever felt this strongly about, well, anyone. And, I asked Farah about it, and she told me all about mushy messy feelings and how relationships work and I read all about breakups Todd, and, I wasn't going to tell you because, because well, I thought that I could just live as your friend. Because, well friends don't break up, and if there's one thing I have definitely learned in the past few days, is that I'm terrified of losing you, Todd." Dirk said this all very fast, stuttering and shaking slightly, as Dirk tended to do.

"You don't have to say anything Todd," Dirk quickly said as Todd opened his mouth, a look of confusion and sudden realization simultaneously on his face,

"Nothing has to change, just like you said. Being your friend is the best thing in my life, the best gift I have ever, ever had, and, if this would mess it up, then,"

Todd ended Dirk's word vomit with a short kiss. It was sloppy and somewhat painful, but afterwards, Dirk lay there, still with his eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape.

"Dirk, you are such a dork." Todd snorted softly. "I really, really like you, and, I'm really glad you told me all of that." He gazed at Dirk with his bright blue eyes. "I can't know what the future holds as well as you can, but I can't see us ever leaving one another for good. I guess, if we're all just leaves in the stream of creation, our stems must be tied together or something. I want to float through the stream with you Dirk. We can go on dates, and be a couple if you want, I know I would like that, or we could stick with what we have going on now. Either way, I'm sticking by your side for as long as you'll have me, ok?"

"That sounds, really, really good." Dirk smiled, from ear to ear. "Maybe, once the doctors let you move around in the wheelchair, we can go on our first date. I'll push you!" Todd laughed, "Maybe we can hold off a little bit, I've seen you drive." Dirk rolled his eyes and laughed.

They lay there, entangled, and fell asleep, both resting better than they had slept in weeks.

For a while, everything was perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! It's done way faster than expected! I wasn't super satisfied with it all, but, I would totally go over it again and again, and it would never get published. Thank you all so much for your support, you don't know how happy your guy's kudos and comments make me feel!


End file.
